Why I’m Proud To Live in Massachusetts and Other Stuff

It’s official; drugs now kill more people in the Bay State than auto accidents. In the latest year, 2006, the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reports more than one thousand drug-related deaths occurred in the land of the bean and the cod. This is double the number of traffic deaths for the same period. While cocaine and heroin remain significantkillers, much of the increase in deaths is at­tributed to opiates such as methadone, OxyContin, and Vicodin. One wonders how this can be happening here in this bastion of liberalism, where we are so well educated, and so much smarter than folks from other parts of the country; you know, the rednecks, hay­seeds, hicks, and hillbillies that we make sport of. How can this be happening? Michael Thebarge of Skowhegan, Maine is now officially the state record holder by catching a seven-pound rainbow trout at Lake George in Canaan, Maine on February 6, 2009. Well done, Michael. A jury in Tulsa, Oklahoma convicted twenty-year-old Vincent Berry of firing at least fifteen shots into a car carrying five teen-agers, killing sixteen-year-old Donivan Crutcher and wounding three oth­ers. At his trial Berry explained that he mistakenly thought the car contained gang rivals. The jurors were having none of that nonsense and imposed three life sentences and two thirty-year sentences. Well done, jury.

I wonder how successful Benjamin Kubelsky would have been had he not changed his name to Jack Benny?

Some economists are looking at our unemployment numbers dif­ferently and are now counting those people who have given up looking for work and those that have taken low-paying part-time jobs. The latest “U-6” rate, as it’s known, shows an unemployment rate of 17.2% here in Massachusetts. Our town fathers will no doubt look at these sobering numbers and do everything within their power to rein in all unnecessary spending, because after all, this is a fiscally conservative little town and I’m sure they feel the pain and understand the hard­ships that so many of our citizens are feeling.

The Rhode Island educational system appears to be experienc­ing problems, also. Latest numbers show 73% of high schoolers are proficient in reading, 55% in writing, but only 27% tested proficient in math. Aw, who needs math anyway?

The latest USA Today Gallup poll numbers are interesting. Airline passengers, when asked if certain passengers fit the profile of terror­ists, i.e., age, ethnicity or sex, should these people receive more inten­sive security checks before boarding U.S. flights? They responded yes 71%, no 27%. Once again the people show more common sense than our pathetic PC leaders.

A Medford, Massachusetts man has been convicted of shining a green laser beam into a State Police helicopter that was escorting an liquefied natural gas tanker through Boston Harbor. Berard Sasso, 51, was convicted in United States District Court of willfully interfering with an aircraft operator, with reckless disregard for human life, and with one count of making false statements. Judge Joseph L. Tauro plans to sentence Sasso on April 29. I hope the judge reads this col­umn

and sees the story from Oklahoma and sentences him to three life sentences plus two thirty-year terms. It still wouldn’t be enough, however.

Ali Hassan al-Majid, aka “Chemical Ali,” was recently executed in Iraq for ordering the gassing of Kurds in the town of Halabja in north­ern Iraq . The attack killed some 5,000 people. Well done, Iraq.

Glenrock, Wyoming must be a neat little town. Last year, in a pa­rade, Bud Grose, 76, was pulled off his tractor and tasered five times by two police officers after he disobeyed one of the officer’s traffic sig­nals.

The town council recently upheld the firing of these two officers. While it’s impossible to take into consideration all the factors that go into forming a decision to take action, one can only wonder what went on in these two minds. Assaulting an elderly man and then tasering him. Wow!

Good news from Washington. The stimulus package that Presi­dent Barack Obama promised would hold the unemployment rate be­low 8% (it didn’t, of course) has been upgraded. Instead of the $787 billion it was to be, it has now been increased to $862 billion. Hell’s bells, what’s $75 billion more for a program showing negligible re­sults? I don’t know why the president just doesn’t ask Norfolk to pick up the additional $75B. We’re big spenders. A thirteen-year-old girl led police in central Pennsylvania on a nine-mile chase at speeds up to 100 miles per hour. She was finally stopped and taken into custody, where she faces several charges. Kids! They grow up so fast these days. One day they’re dancing to Han­nah

Montana tunes, the next day it’s practicing up for the NASCAR circuit.

Here’s an interesting story. Stonewall Miner LLC, a division of Ab­bott Development, is in trouble with the city of Boston. The company owes $68,900 in back real estate taxes for property at 23 Miner Street in the Back Bay near Fenway Park. This has thrown a monkey wrench into the plans to build a 53-unit condo complex at this property. The site is scheduled to be an over 55 community for gays and lesbians.

O.K., I’ll admit that now I’m somewhat confused. I think this is a great idea and should prove to be a terrific living experience for all who choose to live there. But …. suppose I were to build a similar com­plex on the next block for man-woman marriage couples of a tradi­tional nature? What do you suppose the fallout would be? I would be arrested for hate crimes, violations of all sorts of fair housing statutes, civil rights violations, and all sorts of other crimes and misdemeanors. My question, I guess, is how can we have this both ways? It’s either exclusionary behavior or it’s not. I’m very confused.

A poem of Norfolk
Lady Gaga came to town
Wearing her britches upside down
When she saw what she had done
She said Norfolk’s no place to have any fun